Life Lessons Learned.
Followers that is, not dalmatians.
In celebration of this milestone, I’ve decided to compile a list of what video games have taught me over the years. Sure, some of them make no sense, some are ridiculous, and some are outright false, but..
- I have the ability to jump several times my height.
- Turtles are not to be trusted, especially if they control clouds and wear glasses.
- No matter how small a village I come from, there will always be a state of the art laboratory run by an old man.
- If I can’t eat the mushroom, then it will be of the murderous variety.
- Blue hedgehogs are faster than any other color.
- If I’m not happy with an event or outcome, I don’t have to save.
- 3 is the default number for lives/hearts/grenades.
- Old men are either sages, or old warriors.
- Or your father.
- A red shirt and blue overalls is the correct attire for plumbing.
- Murderous robots lose their potency when encased in a potato.
- Humans can survive underwater. Not for very long though.
- Rats cannot throw up.
- 89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically they are sorcery.
- Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious as humans.
- The fact sphere is always right.
- Running over a gun gives you it’s bullets.
- Counter Strike 1.6 is hard.
- In fighting games, there will always be four people you enjoy using.
- A racetrack is a no-man’s land for warring people.
- LittleBigPlanet 2 is the most creative game I’ve ever played.
- Wait, Minecraft..
- Flowers can bestow the ability to hurl fire or ice.
- In any FPS mission, three nameless members will die in the first few minutes.
- Ten years old is a good time to leave your home and travel the country.
- If I’m shot, a couple of seconds of relaxation – or in the worst case a quick lie down – will heal me completely.
- Three-Dawg is the greatest radio DJ of all time.
- Never trust a Khajiit.
- Or a wood elf.
- Any elf, for that matter.
- Or a Nord..
- Sheogorath is the coolest of the Daedric Gods.
- In medieval times, fighting on horseback was impossible.
- Assassins in Rome could manage this quite easily.
- Movie-based video games always suck.
- Sidekicks should never be relied on, except in Ratchet & Clank.
- If you think your the last of your species, think again.
- Warriors beat magicians up to a certain point. Then the balance shifts.
- Six multi-colored balls is the max a child can carry.
- Don’t worry about an infinite number of anything else.
- In the land of Hyrule, pots are very expendable.
- Monster Hunter does dragons better than Skyrim.
- Batman takes steroids.
- Cigarettes will become very valuable after a nuclear war.
- Teddy bears will become a collectible.
- Don’t trust crab people.
- Don’t trust one-eyed spheres.
- No matter how charming their accent is.
- A rocket launcher solves most problems.
- A cheat code solves the rest.
- The cake is a lie.
There you have it folks! Any suggestions or additions you make will probably be pilfered for part 2.
So get scribbling!